Mama’s on a diet

My other new passion – the oil washing method.

It sounds nuts, it sounds counter productive, it sounds like I’m talking out of my ass when I talk about it.

Here’s how it works!!!

Soaps strip our face of natural oils that we need – this is obvious.  When we wash with soaps we end up needing moisturizers.  That means we’re using two products shit full of chemicals for our faces!  Sounds kinda gross when you think about it, right?  And all of it’s harmful to your eyes…and if you ingest it…bad news (although I don’t suggest drinking your face wash in any circumstances).

With the oil cleansing method you do the most counter intuitive thing ever.  You rub oil on your face to get it clean.

I use castor oil, most sites recommend that you cut the castor oil with another oil such as sunflower kernel oil, olive oil, ect…

I have oily problematic skin so I’m using the most effective oil I know of.  Castor oil can disolve blackheads and clear up blemishes. SCORE!

You get a dime sized amount of oil in your palm, rub it between both hands (castor oil is THICK!) and then massage it all over your face for a while (a minute up to 5!).  Rub the oil over your WHOLE FACE, eyelids included! It takes off make up in a crazy good way! 

Once you’re covered and massaged in well, get a washcloth.  Run hot water and get the washcloth wet with the hot water.  Hold the washcloth over your face.  The heat will open your pores, the oil will get in and destroy whatever ickies you have hiding in there.  After a while you’ll be fed up, bored, or just feel done – take that opportunity to use the warm washcloth to wipe the oil off your face.

Your face should look healthy, glowy, and feel VERY soft and supple.  It should NOT feel oily. 

Do this at night!

In the morning, wash your face with just warm water.  It won’t be greasy.  Even at the end of the day, it won’t feel greasy!!

Its a freakin miracle.

You MIGHT notice your skin looking healthy after the first day, but you should see a difference in 4-6 days for sure.  It will be a BIG difference.  AND its cheap!!!  $3 for a 6oz bottle?  Yeah, can’t go wrong with that price! 

I know it sounds crazy, but all you stand to lose is $3. 

So this is day 2 of my no-shampoo hair washing thing – not sure what to call it.

My no-shampoo extravaganza?

No-poo wooo-hoo?

“Apple Cider Vinegar isn’t just for salad dressing” spectacular?

somethin…

Anyway, here’s how it works
(all measurements are approximate and what I am doing – you don’t have to follow my exact lead)

First – don’t wash your hair.  Go as long as you can from your last shampoo wash until you start this process.  I typically do this already.  I wash my hair twice a week.  I think anything more than that causes damage and is more trouble than its worth in the long run for my hair.  I went three days..or four?  I think four.

Second – you need to purchase a few things.  This will cost you in total less than $20 – likely less than $10.  You need baking soda – the typical Arm and Hammer orange box.  You need apple cider vinegar – I found this by the salad dressings.  You should probably get a boar bristle brush – my walmart has them in the ethnic hair section (only place with 100% boar hair).  You might need a plastic container to mix your stuff up – I got a mini water jug with a sports top for $1.

Third – when you’ve made it to yourr “I can’t effin stand this nastiness!!” breaking point, its time to start.

mix about 2tablespoons of baking soda into 2 cups of water (if you have shorter hair or thinner hair, 1tbs/1cup should be plenty for you).  Pour the mixture over your (wet) hair and massage it into the scalp just like you would shampoo.  This is the washing step so WASH!!!

Leave it in your hair for about a minute, then rinse with warm water.

Now we detangle!

Pour about 2tbs of ACV into 2 cups of water (decrease just like above if you want/need) and pour it on your hair – avoid the scalp and focus on the ends.

Leave it on for a minute or so and then rinse with warm water.  If you have oily hair you’ll want to rinse sooner, if you have dry hair then you can leave it on a little longer BUT your hair type will change once you get into a routine so be flexible!

Towel dry and comb through with a wide tooth comb.  You hair should comb surprisingly easily.

Try to wash only once or twice a week with the baking soda (no shampoo washes in between!  don’t cheat!) but if you feel that your hair is sweaty or has product that needs to come out, go ahead and do a warm water rinse to wash out all the ick   your hair should comb through VERY easily still.

Its really simple!  There is a “detox” period where your hair might look like shit for the first week or so and then again right at the 2 week mark – this is your hair adjusting.  Shampoo strips your hair of the sebum that’s needed for strong healthy hair and it causes an overproduction (which leads to that oily feeling).  Your hair might feel heavy for the first wash or two, but after that it should settle down a lot and look WAY better than it did before.

This method DOES STRIP COLOR FROM YOUR HAIR!!! If you dye your hair and you like it, choose another method!  You can use aloe vera gel OR liquid instead of shampoo, you can cut the shampoo and just use conditioner, you can use Wen (commerical no-shampoo product line), there are lots of alternatives!  Just google “Shampoo alternatives” and you’ll find a ton!  Some people use eggs, some use mayo, there are lots of things out there (and in your fridge) that are cheap, easy and healthy for your hair

Also to be noted – using a no-shampoo method can(will) bring out wave in your hair and make curls tighter.

And sometimes I avoid it.

Every now and then, I hit a fucking brick wall.  Today is one of those days where I feel like I’m being slammed face first against brick.
For whatever reason, things are weighing on me and its not helping me out on the scale.

I want to get it all out – its not pretty.

So here it goes – the thing i need to let go of to be ok (even if I am protecting the guilty).

When I was 3 we moved to Oklahoma.  My mom had a best friend here (T) and my dad (bio) was going to college here.  My mom’s friend’s husband (J) watched my brother and myself during the summer and sometimes during the school year after school because he didn’t work.  In fact, in all my life I have rarely known J to work.

J had 3 kids by his ex(s?).  2 girls who were in their 20′s when I was 3 and one son who I’ve never met to this day.  His girls had kids of their own, although its still blurry as to how many.  I grew up knowing these heathens, I mean kids, and I don’t know their names because I was isolated from them.  J watched my brother and myself for about 5 years.  My bro is 3 years older than I am.  J and T have a son together (H) who is 5 years younger than me…maybe 6?  Either way.

I remember the first time J watched my brother and me.  He put my brother outside to play in the yard with his grandchildren.  He made me go in the bathroom and take a bath.  The water was cold.  It was really really cold.  I didn’t want to take my clothes off.  I didn’t want a bath.  I had one the night before – this was 8am or so.  He told me that he’d make pancakes if I got in the bath and if I didn’t then he wouldn’t cook for any of the kids all day.  So I did it.  I mean really, did I have a choice?  I was 3.

He just watched me sit in the bathtub that first time.  I barely moved.  I was scared.  My mom was the only one who bathed me.  Not my dad and certainly not this man who wouldn’t let me around the other kids.

After the bath, he put me in his room and made me stay in there alone.  I don’t know why.  I got dressed and I peed myself.  I was potty trained, had been for a year.   I was scared that he’d make me take another bath so I put my panties and pants on a vent and let the air dry them.  I had seen my mom do this before.  When they were visibly dry (but not to the touch really) I put them back on and waited.

The rest of the day was quiet.  I was allowed to eat with the other kids and I was allowed outside, but I had to sit at the bench and watch them – I couldn’t go out and play.

I told my mom that he gave me a bath, she didn’t say anything.

We went back the next day.  It just kept happening, but it progressed.  J washed me.  J rubbed my back and my stomach.  Things happened outside of the tub.  It just…was bad.

This went on for years.  My dad left my mom when I was 3.5 and it got worse.  We were there all the time.  I was terrified.  I don’t know that my brother knew what was going on, but I later learned that my mom and T both knew.  T had a son when I was 5ish.  It got worse.  Now I was put on display in front of a toddler.  I was told to look at his penis.  I wasn’t told to touch it, but I was made to look at it while I was in the tub.  I hated that fucking tub.

Around 9 it stopped.  At this point, I was wetting myself in class (at 8) and I tried to stab a girl at school.  My brother’s best friend raped me when I was 7.  I think everything stopped because I was getting scary.  I was violent.  I was out of control.  I was a fucking train wreck.  You can only take so much.  Only so many men/boys can abuse you and use you before you can’t take it.  My mom got remarried when I was 8.  My step dad spanked me – just once – but hard enough to leave a big bruise.  I hid from him for weeks.  I was terrified.  J had hit me when I didn’t do what he wanted.  He said the bruises were from other kids when my mom asked.  I just KNEW my step dad would do the same thing.

We lived out in the country and I would go out in the woods and cry for hours.  No one looked for me.  I was pretty damaged.  I still am.  I hurt myself on purpose, but didn’t realize it for a while.  I would step on something or go somewhere that was dangerous and think “if it hurts its because i need to be hurt, if it doesn’t, then I’m ok”  it was more punishment for what I had already done wrong.  Afterall, I had to have done wrong for so many to hurt me.

I was drinking by 11.  Smoking too – neither on a regular basis.  By 13 I was doing both on a regular basis and on an addictive basis.  By 14 I was cutting myself with torn up disposable razors.

And you know what?  Not one fucking person asked me if I was ok, not one fucking adult noticed.

Around 14 I found a letter.  It was from T, to my mom.  Dated in 1989 – when I was 4.  It said that she was sorry for having the affair with my dad (What the FUCK?!) and that she only did it because J was molesting me and taking away from her time (WHAT?!?!??!)  and that she was going to try to get pregnant so that J would love her more than me (ok…seriously?).  The way she wrote about what happened to me was so casual, like I asked for it – I was seducing men at the age of 3.  Thats right, an undeveloped preschooler was a whore.  From that letter, I realized that my mom knew.  She fucking knew and she brought me back there.  She knew.  My dad fucked T because T wanted to get revenge on my mom for having me.  I was the fuck up that ruined everything – my parent’s marriage and T&J’s marriage.  Thats how she saw me.  My mom, who knows?  Maybe she saw it that way too since she kept bringing me back.

On a road trip that year (when I was 14) I told my mom about the molestation.  She said “No, you weren’t.  I’m a therapist, I can tell these types of people.”  Now, she is a therapist and she does work with sex offenders but I saw the letter – I know she was just in denial.   My uncle believed me though, he was the only one for years.

My mom sent me to therapy, but first she told every therapist that I was making this all up.  I can’t begin to explain how UNhelpful that was.  A fucking waste.

I’ve told a few people this story.  Not because I want or need sympathy, not because I need them to “get” me.  No.  Because I need to tell it.  Because somehow I heal a little bit every time I tell it.  I can finally type it without crying, but I can’t say the words.  I can’t say “I was vicitimized.  I was molested.  I was raped.”  I can’t.  I cry and cry.  This damn near ruined my life.

I used food to cope.  I have been so unhealthy for so long because when I’m upset, all I know is “eat.”  I try to change this habit, but its 21 years in the making.

As a teenager it should have fucking killed me.  When I wasn’t eating I was having sex with men I didn’t know that well – or that i did know, but I wasn’t safe.  Or I was doing drugs/drinking/smoking.

You think all I’m good for is YOUR pleasure Mr J?  I’ll show you!  I’ll fuck whoever I damn well please, and I’ll be good at it, and I’ll show you – someone out there DOES want me, even if its just for 20 minutes.  I’ll numb myself with meth and weed, I’ll drink my feelings far far away.  Fuck you, you didn’t hurt me (you just broke me into a million pieces).  And fuck you M (bro’s best friend who I still had to see on a regular basis until recently when he finally moved away).  FUCK YOU!  You didn’t take shit from me!!  Virginity?  No – you can’t TAKE that, it has to be given.  You did nothing (except break my soul).  You were nothing!!!

Until 2008, no one else but my Uncle knew it all.  I told my therapist when I was pregnant.  I cried, I shook, I threw up.  He said “How can anyone NOT believe you?  These feelings don’t happen from a lie”

Thank you Dr Smith, those words will forever comfort me.  Someone who doesn’t even really know me believes me and he understands it.

Maybe getting it all out now, a year later almost exactly, will help.  Maybe these feelings that are bothering me now are related to that.

That’s right, I said it.

I think you’re nuts.

You who?  You who talks about people “getting fat off the system”

Yes, people do get fat off food stamps.  You have $400 to spend for 31 days to feed 4 people.  How are you going to do that?  Well you’re certainly not buying fresh veggies or good quality meats!! NO SIR!  And what was that? You have a pre-k kid and you have to buy snacks once a month for 20 kids!  AND A BEVERAGE?!?!  Oh my!  Well there’s $50 cause its all got to be prepackaged.  Now you’ve got $350 to feed 4 people for 31 days.  You may spend no more than $2.82 per person per day.  94 cents per meal if you don’t have any snacks or beverage costs.

Mac and cheese?  yes please!

How do you metaphorically get fat off the system?  Well you don’t.  You might see people living off the system, but I bet anything that you don’t want to live that life!

Do people think its easy to get state benefits?  Its not – mentally, its draining and degrading.  As far as the process, its relatively easy IF YOU NEED IT, but you must prove your expenses, assets and income.  Sure, you can fake it to an extent, but they do check these things out.  Can you get state benefits without needing them? Heck yeah!  But what is it that you can get?

Well lets see, you can get food stamps, public housing (which is low cost rent and covers section 8), TANF (cash benefits, about $200/month on average), insurance, day care assistance, occasional assistance in paying for utilities, occasional bus passes in some areas and…thats pretty much it.  There are a few other things you can get, but not a lot and it depends on the area.  Now, how can YOU live off that?  I bet you wouldn’t be getting fat off the system.

Can you imagine the stress of living in those financial boundaries?  Not cool.  BUT its hard to get out of the system once you’re in it.  You work hard and you get a 50 cent/hour raise – congrats! Except now you’ve lost $400/month in food benefits, your rent went up $200, you lost your insurance for the kids and your daycare costs just skyrocketed.  I bet you want to shove that 50 cents an hour right up your case workers nose, right?  But its not his/her fault.  Its the system.  You do better, you lose all help – FAST.  There isn’t much of a reduction program.  You don’t start to do better and wean off benefits – you get pulled off of them so fast your head spins!  This is why you see people who just don’t get off the state benefits.  They can’t.  They might appear to be doing great off the system, but they’re not – they’ve found the balance where they can make the most possible without losing their benefits.  They might even have to play around with the system in order to make it.

Can you blame them?  If they do any better then they lose their insurance, the kids daycare goes up, they can’t afford their new found grocery bills, and the stress is killer.

I hear often of people knowing someone who knows someone who had a baby to get more food stamps.

It doesn’t happen folks.  No one plans a pregnancy to get $100 in food stamps.  They might get pregnant and make a joke about their benefits going up, but don’t take that seriously.  It doesn’t make any sense to have a child in order to increase benefits.  Financially its ridiculous.  If you REALLY think people do this, you need to re-evaluate your mind set.  Go to school folks.

Ok so mama’s off her rant here.

My food choices are getting better yay me!  But still not perfect.  I had a bad few weeks where I just couldn’t get it together.  I wanted a quick fix and when I could find one I just ate.  Not good.  This week I’ve been doing a lot better.  Last night wasn’t so hot, my cousin came over and we ordered pizza!! booooo!!  but I think this week’s weigh in will be good anyway.  I have a good feeling.

I’m giving up sugar ((((

this pains me.

I love the white stuff!!!

but I need to break my love affair.  I’m going to stop with all obvious sugars – sodas, sweets, breads/baked goods.

Eventually I’ll even look for sugar in other products…eventually.

I feel like crap when I eat lots of sugar, then I crave more, then I feel crappier.

In other news – the baby’s dad is talking about the big CS words, CHILD SUPPORT and…PAYING IT!!! omg…Jesus himself must have come down and kicked the crap outta him.  We’ll see if this money actually happens.  He even said he’d help pay for her birthday party, even though he’s NOT invited.

we’ll see…..only time will tell.  Its been 7 months since i’ve heard from him and 8 months since he’s seen the baby.

and I’m EXHAUSTED!!!!

Seriously, I have a shower chair because of my back and tonight I had to use it just to endure the rigoirs of…being clean.

Puuuuhthetic.

I’m thinking my calorie deficit has been too low lately, mainly because I’ve been compulsively eating and unable to stop lol thats a pretty good sign.  So tomorrow I’ll work on eating more during the day and lighter in the evening.  I’ll weigh myself in the AM so I can get a little insight on what mister scale has to say.

The baby has been EXHAUSTING lately!!!  She’s been clingy since…ohh…birth, but in the last month its gotten BAD!!  I can barely go pee without taking her along,  and then she cries the whole time because she can’t be in there with me.  I’ve always had to carry her around and be within her line of sight so its not really much different, its just that she’s able to follow me now if I wander off.

She learned to clap tonight finally!  She gets excited and claps, she sees Nana and claps, she sees Bubba and spanks him – which is a lot like a one handed clap.

Speaking of Bubba, he FINALLY understands that girls DO NOT have a penis!!!  He’s understanding the vulva!!!  Its a REAL THING NOW!!!  I all but gave up today.  He threatened to kick me in the penis, I tried and tried to explain to him that girls do NOT have them, thats why we have the injustice of standing to pee. Then it hit me – diaper change!  He sees me change the baby all the time but he never pays attention.  So I showed him on the baby, she didn’t mind.  He was like “OOOHH  wow…thats weird.  You should upgrade to a penis”  so…he kinda gets it.

But..you know..if I could upgrade, I might – just so I didn’t have to sit on public toilets when I have to pee.

Here’s my thought of the night.  I’m no expert on marriage obviously, but if its making you miserable then its probably not worth it.  If he won’t go with you to get help to even allow you to get it on your own, if he’s not willing to give even a little bit, if he’s unable to help you with even the smallest task, if he’s not connected to the kids at all then damnit, he’s not worth the heart ache and headache.  He doesn’t appreciate you, he doesn’t want to start, and he doesn’t deserve you.  Be a strong woman and go out on your own (again if thats the case) and raise those kids and live your life as a single woman.  If someone isn’t adding to your life then chances are they’re taking away from it.  This is advice that I wish I had been given before the baby was born.  Sure, it wasn’t a marriage, but it was a long relationship that resulted in a planned child and a marriage on the way. I wish I had known that I could do it alone.  I wish I had seen that he was taking away from my life and not adding to the qaulity.  I wish someone had said more than “I just don’t like him” and told me WHY or WHAT they didn’t like.  I wish that someone had the balls to tell me to leave when I needed to.

So there it is, be honest with the people you love – your honesty might save them.

Em

I really wish you’d learn how to sleep, and on your own no less.  This is the 300th time you’ve woken up tonight and I’ve had to rock you back to sleep.  You cannot cry it out – been there, tried that – 2 hours later guess who caved?  Not you.

maybe I would be less stressed (and therefor not clean out the pantry of all food!!) if you’d chill out

mommy is not happy.  Mommy’s tummy is not happy – its freakin stuffed.  its 10:23 – over 2hrs past your bedtime, and here you are, trying to crawl into my arms.  But I resist – mommy needs a break.

We’re taking an extra long walk tomorrow to undo some of what I did today.  Must end – the baby has forced herself in my lap.

Em

www.nami.org/namiwalks09/OKC/cyandshae
please sponsor me in the 5k NAMI walk! Pass the link on – it will help this cause out a ton! Thanks!

And I’ll bitch if I want to!

You wanna know what gets me?  Really?  Cause I’m about to list some examples.

How can you be a mother to a young child and claim to be devoted when you’re leaving them with someone every other night?
I mean really, you can go out and have fun but don’t leave your kid with family or friends so you can go out EVERY.SINGLE.WEEKEND. and be gone ALL WEEKEND!  Don’t say you’re “doing it for your son” when you leave him for 2 months.  Do you know how kids spell love?  T.I.M.E.  NOT M.O.N.E.Y.

Don’t claim that you’re doing it for them when you and everyone around you knows that its for YOU!  If it were for your kid, you’d be attached at the hip as soon as you came home, you’d be calling every day, you’d make a way to be home.

You might not make as much money, you might not be able to buy the best of everything, but time matters a hell of a lot more to a two year old!  When your myspace page has more pictures of you DRUNK than of you with your kid, I wonder where your priorities are.  I’m not wrong to wonder.

When your main priority is getting some ass, I’m right to assume that your child isn’t on that priority list.

When you’d rather talk about drama and he said/she said bullshit than the fact that your infant sat up by themself for the first time, I’m right to assume your head is NOT in the game!!!

This isn’t about ONE person, its about several.

You know what else?  At 18, don’t tell me you’re having fertility problems.  Don’t tell me you’ve been trying for 3 years to have a baby and it just won’t happen.  I don’t buy your bullshit.  At 15, did you really know enough about your reproductive system and how conception happens to make the choice to plan a pregnancy?  I highly doubt it.  Most grown women don’t know enough.  So no, I don’t buy your “I’m infertile!” bullshit.  And I don’t feel bad for you.  So shove it.

And don’t lie and expect me to buy it.  Don’t tell me that your PCOS makes it SOO hard to lose weight that it just won’t happen!  That you’re practically eating nothing and you work out like a crazy women but the pounds won’t budge! Don’t try that “I barely even eat!” bullshit either.  I’ve got PCOS.  I’ve got hypothyroidism.  I recently had back surgery.  I have arthritis.

Guess what? My problem is NOT that I have these medical issues, its that I fuckin eat too much!!!  I do NOT eat like a bird, I do NOT pick at my food and barely eat.  I can own it, you can do.  I do NOT work out like a mad woman and I could do more physically but I choose to not push myself yet.  I make the choice everyday to limit what I do.  I could try to do more and possibly injure myself OR not.  There’s no rule that says at 4m post op you can only walk 2miles a day.  (thats what I do most days, some are 1 – nothing extra on weekends).  There is no rule saying you can walk 5miles.  There are NO RULES!  The rule is, do what you feel right doing.  So if you think that walk to the fridge is all you can possibly manage, then fine – but don’t lie about it!  No one buys it!!! NO ONE believes that you got to your weight by not eating and working out. Seriously.

By the way, before anyone starts getting defensive, this is all directed at people that I no longer talk to – but I still see spreading the same bs.  If I thought this about someone I cared about, I’d tell them to quit their shit.

I’m just so sick of fake people!  Thank God these people aren’t in my life anymore, but you better believe they still annoy the hell out of me.

Oh and on that note – following someone around in forums online just to argue with them just makes you look like a dumbass.  I don’t stop responding because you have some amazing point – nope.  I stop because I realize that stupidity flows from you like a fucking river and nothing can stop you.  You just look more and more ridiculous as time goes on.  I try to leave any and all groups that I might see you post in, but you just keep on following me around.  My ass must smell like roses, why else would you have your nose in my shit?

Get it?

Ok I feel like 10lbs lighter now just by getting all of that out   Thanks internet, you have saved my sanity once again!  Now I’m off to get drunk, take tons of pictures and post them on myspace, leave my kids with whoever for the rest of the week- hell the month!,  go join the military and leave the kids with whoevevr for 2 months, blame my weight on everything under the sun except me, claim infertility (wait..my tubes are tied! damnit! I need some clomid!), and cyber-stalk someone more intelligent than me!

Em

Yes, I’m the winner.  Hell to the yeah bitches!!

Ok that was a bit much, but my weigh in today went really well.

I lost 3.8lbs, bringing my total to 26.8lbs lost!

woo!!! Only123.2lbs to go….

crap!

Ok well 23.2lbs until I’m at my pre-pregnancy weight, and 100lbs after THAT to my pre-TTC weight/pre-Denny weight.

It can be done.  Afterall, my highest weight is the SAME as my weight after having Cyrus.  Pregnancy and me don’t mix well.  PPD and me REALLY do not mix well!!!
I got my 25lb medal at the meeting today   It makes me so happy!  I almost cried when I was telling the “What have you learned about yourself” part.  I learned that I can do this without doubting myself.  I’ve learned that doubt isn’t getting me anywhere and confidence IS getting me somewhere.

I’ve learned that if I believe that I can do it, its so much easier to do.  I’ve learned that trusting yourself is half the battle.  I’ve learned that losing 1/6th of your target weight loss is NOT a small thing, its a huge thing – if your target weight loss is 10lbs or 3oolbs!!!  Getting 1/6th of the way there is still a REALLY big deal.

In 9.2bs I will be at my 10% weight loss goal.  I WANT to be there by Shae’s birthday, which is in 5 weeks.  I’m pretty sure I can do this.  I’m going to work and work and work for it!! If I don’t make it, it won’t be a failure – it will still be progress.

I went to chart my weight on the WW site today and it told me that I’m losing too fast lol.  It said that consistently losing more than 2lbs a week isn’t healthy for my heart and that losing more than a 1lb a week isn’t good for my milk supply.  I concur, however, WW how do you expect me to “slow down” my weight loss when I’m following your stinkin plan! lol And I’m a total cheater on the weekends!  Allowance points – whats that?  Oh that must be what I’m using when I’m not tracking at all for 48hrs!  Its not the best habit, but I like my freedom!  When I get a bit more weight off I’ll try to change that habit, but right now it keeps me from feeling like I’m on a diet and like I can’t eat!  Cause Lord knows, this girl likes to eat!

By the way, I need to plan the menu for Shae’s birthday party.  Its going to be on a weekend BUT I would like to keep it lighter than a typical cookout.

I know that I can get lower fat hotdogs and whole wheat buns, I can do fries in the oven…

but burgers?  cake?  ice cream?  finger foods?  what do I do there?  I don’t want it to be too different for my guests, but I don’t want to go all out in the caloric department!  Ekk! Must figure that out!

Oh and I put my weight loss medal on a necklace   its low enough on my neck that I can see it when I go to take a bite and I can fiddle with it   hooray!