omg no more!

Posted by: Em Smith on: April 14, 2009

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Hi, my name is Emmaleigh and I’m a food addict.  When I binge, I go effin nuts and I have a horrible time stopping!  I keep saying that “tomorrow” I will do better, I will be stronger, I will resist, I will deal with stress in a better way, I will progress – then I eat something ridiculous or go to sonic for chili cheese fries – and I don’t even like them!!!  They’re just easy!  ACK!

But I’m broke, so that might work in my favor   I really need to kick my soda habit because its NOT doing me any good.  I keep trying to remind myself that I have a choice to make.  I can overeat and not watch my kids grow up or I can get healthy and watch my kids and my grandkids grow up.  Its not a hard choice, its just hard to keep that in mind.

We had a DISASTER tonight and it stressed me out in a major way.  So of course I ate when I was NOT hungry.  In fact, I’m not really over it and I just got done eating this cracker thing.  (its by Dr Kracker, its called a flat bread but its a really thick, hard, crunchy cracker with lots of seeds).

The kid has taken to peeing in his closet.  Apparently when he’s getting dressed in the mornings its just TOO much work to walk 12 feet down the hall to pee in a toilet.  He had PUDDLES of piss in the tracks for his sliding closet doors!!!  So anyway, I spent an hour or so with him scrubbing the tracks, moving the doors to the garage to dry/air out, cleaning his rooom, lecturing him, and trying to keep the baby out of the pee while I did all that.  Oh and I took the TV out of his room.  Punishment.  No TV for the rest of the week – not getting it back period if he pees in his room again.  He’s 5, he’s too old for this crap!

So anyway, thats what stressed me out.  I took a nice long hot shower after all that – partly to wash the pee off my hands and partly to relax.  Well, silly me FORGOT the relaxing part.  I ended up shaving then I started scrubbing the tub – WHILE I WAS TAKING A SHOWER!!!  Who DOES that?  A mama who needs a break -thats who!

In other news, my recumbent bike has made its way home from the garage banishment.  It was sent far off into a dark corner when my pregnancy got too rough to do any kind of work out.  Stupid blood pressure.  Stupid uterus of doom.  Stooopid.

Its back now though, now it can make me feel bad if I don’t use it.  It can stare at me across the room when I’m being lazy.  Its in the living room – no excuses.  I might have to get one of the baby carriers out and strap the baby on me so I can let her “help” me work out.  I did learn tonight that it IS possible to nurse while using the bike.  Neat.

I didn’t get to walk the kid to school today two things happened.

1) it was freakin cold.  too freakin cold to put the baby in the stroller and make the mile long journey.  windy too – too damn windy.

2) my AFO is the devil.  It hurts.  There is no pleasing that hunk of plastic evil.  I had to take some padding out of it because it was poorly placed, now I need to add more padding back because walking on hard flat plastic freakin sucks.

So tomorrow I’ll probably tough it out and walk him to school – pain is strength right?  ok its not, but I can pretend it is.

The kid is howling and screaming right now because he’s “bored” without his TV – he’s SUPPOSED to be asleep.  In fact, he’s supposed to have been asleep for an hour.  Now he’s saying he’s stupid and bad because he lost his TV.  No kid, you’re lazy and used your closet as a urinal.  Thats not stupid, its disgusting, but not stupid.

Em