and I’m EXHAUSTED!!!!

Seriously, I have a shower chair because of my back and tonight I had to use it just to endure the rigoirs of…being clean.

Puuuuhthetic.

I’m thinking my calorie deficit has been too low lately, mainly because I’ve been compulsively eating and unable to stop lol thats a pretty good sign.  So tomorrow I’ll work on eating more during the day and lighter in the evening.  I’ll weigh myself in the AM so I can get a little insight on what mister scale has to say.

The baby has been EXHAUSTING lately!!!  She’s been clingy since…ohh…birth, but in the last month its gotten BAD!!  I can barely go pee without taking her along,  and then she cries the whole time because she can’t be in there with me.  I’ve always had to carry her around and be within her line of sight so its not really much different, its just that she’s able to follow me now if I wander off.

She learned to clap tonight finally!  She gets excited and claps, she sees Nana and claps, she sees Bubba and spanks him – which is a lot like a one handed clap.

Speaking of Bubba, he FINALLY understands that girls DO NOT have a penis!!!  He’s understanding the vulva!!!  Its a REAL THING NOW!!!  I all but gave up today.  He threatened to kick me in the penis, I tried and tried to explain to him that girls do NOT have them, thats why we have the injustice of standing to pee. Then it hit me – diaper change!  He sees me change the baby all the time but he never pays attention.  So I showed him on the baby, she didn’t mind.  He was like “OOOHH  wow…thats weird.  You should upgrade to a penis”  so…he kinda gets it.

But..you know..if I could upgrade, I might – just so I didn’t have to sit on public toilets when I have to pee.

Here’s my thought of the night.  I’m no expert on marriage obviously, but if its making you miserable then its probably not worth it.  If he won’t go with you to get help to even allow you to get it on your own, if he’s not willing to give even a little bit, if he’s unable to help you with even the smallest task, if he’s not connected to the kids at all then damnit, he’s not worth the heart ache and headache.  He doesn’t appreciate you, he doesn’t want to start, and he doesn’t deserve you.  Be a strong woman and go out on your own (again if thats the case) and raise those kids and live your life as a single woman.  If someone isn’t adding to your life then chances are they’re taking away from it.  This is advice that I wish I had been given before the baby was born.  Sure, it wasn’t a marriage, but it was a long relationship that resulted in a planned child and a marriage on the way. I wish I had known that I could do it alone.  I wish I had seen that he was taking away from my life and not adding to the qaulity.  I wish someone had said more than “I just don’t like him” and told me WHY or WHAT they didn’t like.  I wish that someone had the balls to tell me to leave when I needed to.

So there it is, be honest with the people you love – your honesty might save them.

Em